I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
only you would photoshop your dick
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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