Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
