Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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