Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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