I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
