My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
