im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
