I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
