I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize