so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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