are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
