the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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