she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
