Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
