She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
