Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so that wasnt chicken after all
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
