I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
