I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
