Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
