I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
