im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How drunk are you?
Completed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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