I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
