Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize