just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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