After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
