the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
