Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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