I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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