So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
