If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
