Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
