We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
