Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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