you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
