Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
