either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
