New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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