i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
