Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
