haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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