haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize