I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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