We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
