so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize