Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
