This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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