I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
