yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize