Porn is love you can see.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Too much gin, very little bucket
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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