It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
