Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize