I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
