sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
