My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
