I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
