'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
