So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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