these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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