If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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