Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
