im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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