Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
