Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
