ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
