if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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