That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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