During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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