Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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