This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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