Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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