he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
