I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
