I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
