My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
